30 Day BJD Meme: Day 23, a Rambling, Whiney, Rant

Is there a part of the BJD hobby that you dislike? Yup, the self-depreciation that comes from it.

Yeah, there's a good chunk of the community I don't like. Sometimes I'm not as good at blocking those parts out as I'd like to be. It's not even the confession blogs that bother me so much as certain specific people and the weird fan clubs they seem to get for no reason. I'm not saying this out of jealousy, though it is petty (I'll be the first to admit that). I can respect skill and talent, even if I am jealous as hell of that talent. It's the people who don't have the skill yet act like they're muses' gift to the world that drive me crazy. And just to put it out there I can admire skill even if it's not in my style, so personal preference has little to do with observable, technical skill.

I am not a naturally talented artist, nor have I ever been.  I can paint a doll's face, but I'm nowhere near the skill of the artists I admire, like Delicate Reflections, Andreja, and others like them, and I probably never will be. I'm a Jack of All Trades, almost, passable at a great number of things but master of none. Except maybe writing. I'm totally fucking cocky about my writing.

I am the only "artist" in my family, and I've never had any lessons or classes. I use quotes because I don't really consider myself an artist, because I don't feel I have the skill to call myself one yet. At the same time, I'm old-ish. No one cares about an almost 30-year-old and their struggles. The community is obsessed with the teenage "prodigies" and ignores everyone else. But that's going to veer me into discussion of my inevitable, early midlife crises and the cult of youth that permeates our society.

Everything I can do now is the result of over a decade's worth of struggle, trial, and error. It is painful to see that go unrecognized sometimes. and it hurts my confidence when I see others not as skilled as I am at some things get more recognition then me, to see them whine and cry and get nothing but ass pats and support, when I'm barely functioning and keeping it all to myself- and that's TOTALLY FUCKING PETTY of me to feel like that. I shouldn't feel that way.

I HATE that about myself. 

It's something I'm working on. Please don't judge me. It's a flaw, I know. And it probably makes me a bad person or at least someone who places too much value in the opinions of others. I've blocked the main "offenders" and that seems to be helping somewhat. If the temptation to bitch at them or about them isn't there I can start moving forward.

I try to be as empathetic and supportive as I can, even if it's someone I dislike. I may bitch about it privately, but I'd NEVER want someone to feel for even an instant what I feel most of the time.

Anywho I'm sharing some of my deep, dark, anonymous internet-stranger secrets, so Ima wrap this up.

Oh yeah, I also hate how dolls suck up all my spare money and free time. I think we can agree there. I'm also fucking sick of the minifee hate. Don't like it? Don't look. Want to see more variety? post more instead of bitching.