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Saturday, November 2, 2013

Shit That Happens in my Skyrim...with a lot of swearing.

Ok this post is seriously off-topic, but I don't want to make a blog just for this stuff (though I might if I get bored enough), and I wanted to share it with my Skyrim-loving friends. You will be returned to regularly scheduled shennanigans eventually.

My Skyrim is a bizarre place, especially on Legendary difficulty apparently. I routinely find more glitches and bugs than most people even think possible. These range from faceless people to floating wagons. I've even resurrected a dead bunny only to have the corpse of said rabbit slide about on the ground as if it were alive although the game clearly thinks it's dead. Lately dragons have just been dropping out of the sky, flopping on the ground, and dying right as I get to them. It was creepy as hell. I've decided to document some of the strange shit I've found in my world.

This is Brila. She's my current character. She started out as this lovely orc warrioress here:
I feel pretty. So pretty.

Then I found a mod to let me marry the Thieves' Guild guy, Bryjolf. He's a stud in my game, and so is Farkas, the guy you run around with for the Companions. Huge toss up between the two of them. I decided to use console commands to turn her into an Imperial, because Nords are whiney bitches.

Then I found a mod that makes her look like a Valkyrie, slightly ironic because the Stormcloaks/Ulfric are supposed to be the fantasy equivalent of the Norse, but sound like Tea Partiers. Anywho, I look awesome:

I also have an Alicorn:
In the very back you can see the wings and shield of one of my followers,
Mjoll the Lioness in some other modded armor.

I mod the shit out of my games, which probably accounts for some of the bugs. I can't play on consoles, because I fry the games. Literally. The games freak the fuck out and don't know what to do. I've had to restart Morrowind so many freaking times I gave up and went straight to PC. Believe me, it's better this way.

I probably loot/plunder/steal more stuff than any gamer ever, so I literally never have money problems. I have so much f-ing gold I'm literally looting crap just to store it. I'm even only looting specific stuff now.

So I store all my crap in the Collector's Vault. It's one of the few player home mods I don't glitch out often. Occasionally weird stuff happens where I can't get weapons in the racks properly or the mannequins do this:
Here they are in attack/pretty much dead posture.
Who the fuck attacks mannequins? The Doctor?

Where the fuck are they even going?

Occasionally I find weird/cool stuff that isn't a bug, or at least doesn't seem to be one caused by something I've done simply by walking into that cell. I found a mammoth with dwarf arrows all stuck in it once, but forgot to take a screen shot….for now, have the end of the world:
End of the world, somewhere added in by the Dawnguard expansion, so I'm
assuming this is down in the caves near Winterhold.

Here I am being Gandalf (this isn't funny or weird):
It's not funny or weird. It's dorky. But whatever. You SHALL NOT PASS!

Another mod I have makes humans not look like complete freaks (Bethesda can make one damn amazing night sky but they can't code people). It has one "drawback", depending on your point of view, in which everyone is naked and anatomically correct. The Morrowind version was worse…installed the wrong version, walked into a brothel. Bam. Dicks in my face. Surprised the hell out of me. Forgot to get a screen shot.

(I'm not a perve, but I do like my fantasy worlds to look like Final Fantasy. I like my men pretty. I like my ladies pretty. I like pretty, useless-in-the-real-world armor. I like the idea of kicking the shit out of a dragon while wearing a sundress or shorts or something. Anime people can do it. So can my bad ass warrior people. But there is some pretty weird crap out there for this game, just sayin'….)

So here we have a looted cultist (I wanted the robes for my collection) being mourned/groped by a bunch of sad villagers. No idea why they're mourning, since they're the ones that killed her for attacking me in the city. But you know. Riften isn't completely Detroit.

See? Riften people care about random strangers.....

Then today I got this little gem. Partially coded water. A goat literally walked along the bottom of this river as if no water were even there. Then the goat hit the water coded part, flew down the river, off a waterfall, then down the other side. Poor goat.

Stay tuned for more shit that happens in my Skyrim…

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