I do not make, sell, or traffic in bootleg/recast dolls or any other product.

I do not provide information on where or how to buy them.

Any recast information on this blog is for information purposes only, for identifying recast products on the second hand market.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Money Shaming in the BJD Hobby

Here is a rant. With Memes. Because people like pictures, and people like memes.

I see tons of posts on groups and forums with people commenting on or calling into question another member's spending habits. It's one of the rudest things someone can do to someone else in this hobby- plus it's just socially inappropriate and awkward.

(I know there are a few cultures out there where it's okay to discuss things like this or even career salary, but in a great many more it is NOT okay. Consider where you posting before opening  your mouth.)

Example of such a dialogue:

Poster #1: I'm $$$ away from the money I need to get XXXX!
Poster #2: It shocks me that you can afford this. You must be friggin' rich!!
Poster #1: *Launches into explanation of income, tries to justify being a stay at home parent but still spending money.*
Poster #2: It's not my business how you spend your money, but WOW you must make a lot. I'm so jealous. LOL.
Poster #3: Didn't you JUST make a huge order? Not judging just jealous.
Poster #1: *Attempts to explain about previous order, while feeling awkward and nervous about their large order and giant collection.*
Poster#4: Wow, you've sure been buying a lot of dolls lately…didn't you just sell a bunch a month ago?

Pretty inappropriate, IMO. Jealous? Fine, but don't make someone else feel like crap.

Social skills are learned and refined over time; take it from an ex-socially-awkward nerd. Some things can be phrased in a not rude, non-awkward way. BUT if you can't be not-awkward about it, don't comment at all.

Examples of OK dialogue:

Poster #1: Lookitmahgiantdollorder! *shows photos of six new dolls added to a collection of 15*
Poster #2: Look at all those dolls! What an awesome box opening. Congrats!
Poster #3: Holy crap! Someday I hope I get to do a box opening this big! For now, Ima just enjoy yours.
Poster#4: So jealous! Congrats!
Poster#5: Oh! I saw you got your XXXX the other day! Now these guys came in! What an awesome dollie year for you!

Socially awkward poster (e.g. what NOT to say): I'm so sad. I wish I could buy this many dolls. "XXXX"  you just bought is my grail. *frownie face frownie face*

The other posters: ….


  • You do NOT have to justify to anyone, other than maybe your parents or spouse if applicable, what you spend or don't spend.
  • It's no one's business what you spend on dolls- you don't have to justify having a lot of money and you do NOT have to justify not having a lot of money to spend.
  • You do NOT have to explain where your doll money comes from.
  • You do NOT have to feel guilty for how you spend your money (assuming of course you're being responsible and practical needs are first met).
  • You do NOT have to tell others what you bought or when.
  • We all know the hobby is expensive- just because you can spend more than others is NOT something you need to justify or feel guilty for.
  • You do NOT need to justify or feel guilty for NOT spending a lot of money.
  • There is NOTHING WRONG with being a housewife or stay at home parent. I am one myself for the time being.
    Stop feeling like you have to justify why you're staying at home. 
    You have wants and needs to- working at home is unpaid and under-appreciated.
    You get a little money to save or spend? No one's fucking business. You keep on rockin'.
  • Conversely, there is NOTHING WRONG with being a working parent, or just a worker in general and spending some you earn on fun things, provided all your practical needs are met.

    Rules for non-awkward social interactions from Socially Awkward Penguin:

  • No commenting on a person's income or making comments or stabs about their potential income.
  • No commenting about the number of dolls a person gets in a year or at a time- it's a backhanded way of commenting about income.
  • (Things like, "Oh wow, so many dollies! You are lucky!" are fine. It's shit like, "Oh damn…. how do you get so many dolls?" And crap like that.)
  • Think a friend is being irresponsible? That's a private conversation you should have with your friend.
  • Think a family member is being irresponsible? Again, private conversation with your friend.
  • Random internet person on a facebook group or forum being irresponsible? Not your business, not your problem. Really feel the need to say something? Consider that you're still probably acting a bit ridiculous, but PM them. Don't publicly shame them. Even if you don't mean to do it, that's exactly what you are doing.

You don't know their debts, their income, their budgets, their daily needs, their local economy, their local cost of living, their disposable income, whether they are on federal assistance, whether they aren't- and none of it is your business.

It may seem innocuous to ask, "Didn't you JUST buy a doll?" or "Aren't you asking on a lot of sales threads?". It ISN'T. It's not harmless. It's RUDE. That's shit you keep to yourself, that you complain about to your closest friends or your spouse. 

Whether you mean it or not, those questions dredge up a lot of guilty feelings and lead the person to try to justify their purchases to you, a random stranger on the internet.

You wouldn't want to be put in the position would you? Please don't do it to anyone else either.

We get enough flack from outsiders about what we buy and how much we spend. Let's not inadvertently do it to someone else, even if that person does appear to us to be irresponsible with their spending. We are outsiders to their lives, and have no place to judge.

C'mon people...don't make me turn into the Queen of the Manners and nag the SHIT out of you.

 Believe me. I can nag for hours. DAYS even. You won't like me when I nag.

/End Rant