On Popularity, Shame, Perfectionism, and Internet Cruelty

My life motto. (Brene Brown, I don't know who created the photo.)

Today ladies and gentlemen and all others we're going to talk about Shame and Perfectionism and how this relates to popularity in the doll hobby. This will probably be another one of my possibly offensive and controversial posts, so I apologize in advance if I hurt your feelings.

You're probably wondering what perfectionism is doing on a doll blog. I've written about everything from confidence to honesty and economics on this blog, so why not this? With the proliferation of BJD Confession blogs full of snarky confessions about poor face ups and styling or photography to complaints about not being popular (enough), perfectionism is very much a part of our hobby.

I am not a person who is very open about my own struggles. Most of you know my teen brother died last August, and I've been grieving since then. This is on top of an anxiety disorder and cyclical depression and yes--- my perfectionism.

Through the therapy I've been attending for a few years, I've been learning how to deal with my anxieties and with my perfectionism. I've learned that perfectionism is based on something we call Shame. At the end of this piece I'm going to link my favorite Shame and perfectionism books and researchers, and I highly recommend checking these out!

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed mental health professional. Do not take anything I say here as medical advice.

Amaranth's Doll Etiquette: Tagging and Groups

Here's a fun offensive post for you, since some people may need the reminder

Okay…. first let's go over the purpose of a tag.

A tag is a tool for finding specific things online. Things are tagged very specifically to help people find what they are looking for. Tags are not some elitist special club where your item doesn't belong because it's not good enough. If your item doesn't fit the flipping tag, don't flipping tag it like that.

Examples:

Tag: Poodle

Unacceptable things to tag as poodle: a Labrador, a cat, a pair of sneakers

Tag: Pullip

Unacceptable things to tag as Pullip: A horse, your selfie, a Monster High doll

Tag: Minifee

Unacceptable things to tag as minifee: A personal selfie, a Volks doll, a Blythe

Money Shaming in the BJD Hobby

Here is a rant. With Memes. Because people like pictures, and people like memes.

I see tons of posts on groups and forums with people commenting on or calling into question another member's spending habits. It's one of the rudest things someone can do to someone else in this hobby- plus it's just socially inappropriate and awkward.

(I know there are a few cultures out there where it's okay to discuss things like this or even career salary, but in a great many more it is NOT okay. Consider where you posting before opening  your mouth.)