On the Importance of Confidence

A quick post inspired by some discussions on Recast BJD Haven....

Just like in the animal kingdom, predators tend to prey on the weak. They see an easy target, and they go after that target. They tend to avoid the stronger, more confident people because they don't really want a challenge. As an ex-bully, I can attest to that. It is much easier to pick on someone you perceive as less intelligent, less pretty, less strong than you. A person with little confidence is not likely to stand up for themselves, and if they try will back down pretty quickly; you come away the "victor".

Yes, yes they are.

A Good Defense is  a Strong Offense...

I am a firm believer that education is the great equalizer. If you know what you are talking about, you can quickly disarm an opponent. This is where research and doing your dollie homework comes in. Know about your hobby, know about the history, the facts, know about recasts and the legal arguments both for and against them. When you can confidently hold your own in a discussion, those who are picking on you will eventually leave you alone.

An Ounce of Prevention…

Yeah? Why not?

Avoid places known to be anti-recast or anti-doll or whatever. By simply avoiding places with rife with drama, you won't expose yourself to an atmosphere of tension and bitchery. Don't bring up dolls or recasts around people afraid, resistant, or closed-minded. You're not going to get anywhere with them anyway. If this is a person you deal with frequently, that is a friend or a relative, be tactful. Be strong, be polite. Answer questions, but don't respond with snark or a defensive attitude.

People say really stupid shit. Sometimes (most of the time?) they don't think before they speak. Before taking something personally or as an attack against you, count to ten. Calm yourself, and then respond. If the person continues, you can ask to end the conversation or leave the room. On a public forum, such as a  message forum, facebook, tumblr, DA etc make use of the block feature. Report people who continue to harass you, and block those who are rude and snarky. Resist the urge to respond in kind, as this just perpetuates the cycle of tension and bitchery.

Respect the rules of the groups to which you belong. Don't post recasts on anti-recast sites, for example.

Fake it 'til you Make it...

Yup, you sure are!

You often hear people say to fake confidence, and eventually you'll develop real confidence this is true. I know it's hard. I used to be a really timid person, afraid of any kind of drama or tension. As I got older I learned to stand up for myself (and granted I took this a little bit too far). Eventually the comments and immaturity will just roll off your shoulders. With increased confidence what they say will bother you less and eventually so will these kinds of people.

Just try it! You'll see!

Remember: you like what you like. By having the confidence and strength to stand up for yourself and defend what you like, the bullies will have no one to pick on.

The people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter.

Happy (and confident!) collecting!